Why is it so hard to live in the present moment? It seems like our minds either ruminate about the past or try to predict what will happen. Do you have a similar experience? Do you suffer regret, daydream, or get lost in stories the stories of your mind?
Sadly, this is how many of us operate day by day. One of my favourite quotes by Lau Tzu is “If you are depressed, you are living in the Past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the moment”.
Nothing is further from the truth.
Although, if the present gives us peace, why do our minds struggle to stay there? Well, read on and I’ll tell you.
We Evolved to Learn, Plan, and Anticipate
More than any other species, humans can remember the past in incredible detail. We can also imagine the future, playing out possible scenarios that may unfold. But why? The answer is survival.
By recalling what happened in the past, we learn from our mistakes and recall what went well. Enabling us to plan and prepare for a better, more successful tomorrow.
Think of our ancestors trying to build shelters. Do you think they built a warm, waterproof hut first-time around? Most likely they tried, failed, reflected on what they did, and then tried again. Through trial and error is how we still learn and evolve today. Without our memories though, that wouldn’t be possible.
Apart from wanting to have a better future, why else do we imagine upcoming events? The answer is to anticipate danger and threats. Our ancestor would have had to be wary of predators, enemy tribes, and outside conditions. Yet today, we don’t need to worry about such things.
Our modern-day society has its own form of threats. Money, career, relationships, to name a few.
That’s why you play out stories in your head. Imagine scenarios and plan for potential problems, discussions, arguments, and conflicts. Illness and safety may be something you also get anxious about. To your mind, danger and risk are always around the corner.
Distractions are Everywhere
Ever picked up your phone whilst waiting for a train? Turned on the TV because you felt bored? Browsed online for hours? We live in a world full of distractions. Technology, social media, entertainment, food, and shopping can all grab your attention away from the present.
We’ve all forgotten how to enjoy stillness.
When was the last time you just sat in peace? Or truly enjoyed being out in nature, without your mind being elsewhere? This happens to me too, despite practicing mindfulness. It can be hard to sit still and embrace silence.
And when you do though, you’re suddenly faced with your chaotic mind. You have to confront its babbling thoughts, storylines, worries, and anxieties. You may even have unreleased emotions to deal with.
Most people prefer to ignore their thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Confronting them can be scary and challenging. So, they’ll do anything to distract themselves, many do this unconsciously. Can you relate?
Even your body can be a source of distraction. Hunger, pain, tingling, and discomfort can all lead to irritability. But you can incorporate these sensations into the present using mindfulness. Choosing to investigate and accept them, rather than turning away.
“You can always find a distraction if you’re looking for one.”
— Tom kite
Regret, Desires, and Attachment
How often do you dwell in the past because of regrets? It’s common to ruminate about the things we did wrong, never did at all, or could have done better. Remember you evolved to learn from you mistakes, but not to dwell in them.
Stay in the past too long and it will consume you.
As I mentioned earlier, you also evolved to plan for a better future. It’s healthy to want to grow, develop, and acquire things to improve your life. But endless desire will lead to suffering. Looking to the future for fulfilment is an illusion.
No matter what you do or gain, you will always want more. It’s important to understand and accept that reality. The now is all that ever exists, why not try to be content with it? Learn to embrace your life journey.
Attachment to objects, possessions, and even relationships can also distract us from the present.
They require time, energy, money, and attention. I’m not saying you should give up everything and live like a Buddhist monk. And of course, we all need healthy relationships. But they can cause harm if you depend on them for your happiness.
Find a balanced middle way. Set some time aside to be present and content alone. Without the need to have possessions or people around you.
You Don’t Want to Accept the Present
Have you ever been home alone at the weekend with nothing to do? How about being stuck in traffic, or stressed commuting to work by public transport? Let’s face it, the present can be boring, uneventful, or unpleasant.
At times like this, it’s normal you want to imagine being somewhere else. There’s an important rule to remember here. If you can’t leave, or change a situation, you must accept it. What’s the alternative?
The more you resist what is happening now, the more suffering you cause yourself.
The situation is already unpleasant, why make it worse? Easier said than done, I know. Acceptance is the only sane option to choose though.
Excitement could be another reason to disregard the here and how. Don’t get me wrong, if you have an upcoming date, party, or holiday then I’m excited for you! But if you spend days or weeks only obsessing over a future event, you’re making an enemy out of the present.
Who knows what else you’re missing too.
“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.”
— Eckart Tolle
The Present is Guaranteed
Whenever you remember the past, it happens in the present. When you imagine the future, it also happens in the present. The past is just a memory, and when the future does arrive, it will happen in the here and now.
That means, the present moment is the only thing that truly exists.
When my attention was drawn to that, it kind of blew my mind. The present is always guaranteed. It will always be happening here, now, in this moment. The problem is, your mind takes this for granted.
Unless you are facing fear, danger, or conflict then your mind will wander off aimlessly. Remember, we’re hardwired to learn, plan, and anticipate. That’s why when you’re on holiday or elsewhere having fun, you’ll still got lost in the past or future.
Your mind is always looking to solve problems and prepare for what’s to come.
How Do You Be More Present?
Now you’re aware of why you find it hard to be present. You might be wondering what to do about it. If you’re not already about what mindfulness is, then read my article explaining it in detail. To summarise, mindfulness involves both meditation and daily practices.
In meditation, it’s common to find an anchor in the present, such as sounds or the breath. As soon as your mind wanders, you bring your focus back to the now using your anchor. As you do this, you train your attention like a muscle. Making it stronger.
Increasing your ability to be more present throughout your day.
Anything at any time can be a mindful practice. Walking, driving, take a shower, washing dishes eating, and so on. All you have to do is explore any activity intently. Bring your attention to the sounds, sensations, and feelings you’re experiencing in that moment.
Again, as your mind wanders say, ‘here’s thinking’ and then go back into the present. When you practice mindfulness, you learn to be here and now more often, instead of being lost in thought. It’s a skill anyone can develop.
Why not give it a go? Choose a mindful way to be.
Did this article help you to understand your own mind better? Let me know in the comments.
Take care of yourselves,
Chris from Mindful Way to Be
