There’s something I’m trying to work on at the moment. Relaxing. Why? Because when I rest and take time off, I feel guilty. Like I’m wasting my time. Going nowhere. And no longer progressing. Do you have the same problem?
As you’re here reading, I’m guessing you do.
It seems kind of crazy when you think about it because relaxing is good for us. So, why do we struggle with it? Where do these feelings of guilt come from? And how can you stop?
In this post I’ll tell you why you feel guilty relaxing. And give you some suggestions to change your mindset around it. Helping you to live a more balanced life.
Let’s explore this together.
Societal and Cultural Pressure
From an early age we’re drip fed what we should do, own, achieve, and gain. How we should look, dress, and act. There is a lot of pressure and expectation placed upon us. This comes from adverts, religion, family, society, and cultural norms.
Capitalism glorifies workaholics, fame, and money. Whilst resting is seen as lazy and unproductive. Social media adds fuel to the fire because we compare ourselves to those more successful than us. It can be a lot to take in.
And as a consequence, you put more pressure on yourself.
So, what can you do?
Question whether this pressure is influencing your choices and actions or not. Most of us are being pushed and pulled by society’s norms and expectations. Which is understandable because we want to fit in.
It’s useful to ask yourself, “is this what I really want, or am I being steered?”. Only you know the answer. Figure it out and make the right life choices for you. Drop the things you don’t want to do. Stop working like a maniac just because your idol does. Don’t allow people to pressure you.
Instead, take some time out. Rest, relax, and do something nice for you instead. Then you can figure out your next move.
You Have an Overactive Mind
This holds true for me, how about you? People with overactive minds love to keep them busy. When I’m creating, building, or developing something, I get hooked. There are so many ideas and plans floating around in my brain, it can be difficult to stop and switch off.
If you also have an overactive mind, you know what I mean. Well, you’re not alone. Overthinking is common. And conditions like anxiety and ADHD are on the rise. You must wonder why but isn’t it obvious?
We’re living in unprecedented times.
Never before has the world been so connected. Whilst this should be something positive, it’s all new. We haven’t had time to adjust yet. Different cultures are all having to live alongside each other. All with their own lifestyles, traditions, and beliefs.
On top of that technology and the media overload our brains. They work in strategic ways to trigger your threat response, nervous system, and emotions. Platforms like YouTube, Instagram and TikTok keep you addicted by releasing your dopamine.
Even if you have a quiet mind, the chaos of the world is enough to overstimulate you.
What’s the answer? My go to is to practice mindfulness. It’s been proven to form healthy changes in the brain. Related to calmness, focus, and compassion. By meditating and paying attention to the present, you learn to rest in stillness. Giving you distance and space, away from all the noise.
Otherwise, do something you love that takes focus. You can make anything into a mindful practice. Drawing, painting, listening to music, reading, or writing.
“Your calm mind is the ultimate weapon against your challenges. So relax.”
― Bryant McGill
Fear of Failure or Judgment
Living in fear is no way to live. Its heavy cloud can cast a big shadow over our lives. If you fear either failure or judgement, then you’ll push yourself to overwork. Which can lead to anxiety, fatigue, and depression.
Let’s look at each fear separately.
Fear of Failure
Failure is nothing to be scared of, it’s something to embrace. Why? Failure = opportunity.
It’s a learning experience that benefits you.
When babies try to walk, they fall over many times, getting closer to success on each attempt. When the American’s built Apollo 11 to land on the moon, did they construct it on their first attempt? It was through trial and error. By failing, learning, and trying again.
Point is, anything we do as a species requires failure. So, why fear it? Allow it to teach you. Then come back with more wisdom and knowledge. When you have this perspective and mindset, you won’t be so worried about fear, enabling you to breathe and take a day off.
Fear of Judgement
Who’s judging you and why? Do you have any evidence or is it in your head? Be mindful of self-sabotaging thoughts. Don’t allow them to consume you. And be aware of the difference between constructive feedback and negativity.
If it turns out those around you really are judging you, who are they to criticise?
“You’ll never find a hater doing better than you”. And it’s true. Anyone trying to put you down is likely unhappy and scared themselves. You won’t find content and compassionate people judging. They’ll be kind and supportive.
So, if there are toxic and negative people polluting your mind, don’t allow it. Find like-minded people who appreciate, encourage, and accept you. This can help you to give yourself some slack and take the foot off the acceleration pedal.
You’re Being Impatient
I get it. You want things done now, right? Me too, but sadly the world doesn’t work like that. Goals take time to achieve. Big dreams take even longer. No matter what you’re doing, whether it’s building a business. Learning a language. Studying. Or trying to get into shape. It’s all going to take time.
Unfortunately, there is no way around that.
But would you want it to be any other way?
Theodore Roosevelt said, “nothing worth having comes easy”. If it took no effort to have a six pack, everyone would. If it was easy to become wealthy, everyone would be. Making all the hard work have no value at all.
For those that do persist, never give up, and achieve, they know they truly earn it. Are you one of those people?
Point is. No matter your skills, if you’re trying to accomplish something big or difficult, it will take time. With this knowledge, accept it. Be patient and don’t rush. Learn to embrace your life journey. There will always be something more you want to do, gain, or achieve.
Let it wait and allow yourself to relax. Even if it’s only for a few hours.
“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.”
― Aristotle
You’re Setting Unrealistic Self-Expectations
As a self-confessed perfectionist, I know this problem all too well. I used to -and still do if I’m not careful- set unrealistic standards. Then when I failed to meet them, I’d blame and berate myself. Causing me to procrastinate starting again.
When I was stuck in this perfectionism loop, I wouldn’t take any days off. Why? Because I was desperate to reach my expectations and anything else seemed like a waste of time.
Do you find yourself doing the same?
Is there any internal conflict within you when you try to relax? You may feel guilty because you believe you’re “falling behind”. Or because you perceive yourself as not being “good enough”. Causing you to strive forward no matter what.
From my personal experience, this doesn’t end well. It can lead to burn out and depression, which is what happened to me. Don’t worry though, there are solutions.
- Set realistic SMART goals. Ones that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. Get your expectations in order, relieve the pressure, and you won’t come crashing down.
- Find the balance between being and doing. Take breaks. Have days off. Breathe. Meditate. Relax.
- Stop being self-critical and be kind to yourself. Doing so ensures you will look after your own wellbeing. Need ideas? Read my post How to be Compassionate to Yourself.
These steps empower you to push forward with logic, more balance, and a healthier mindset.
You Don’t Know the Benefits of Relaxing
We have a culture that emphasises the benefits of hard work. Earning money so we can buy the things we desire. Gaining success, as we climb the career ladder. But what about the benefits of relaxing? Who even talks about that?
It’s all too easy to not even stop and think. Especially when you’re so busy and focussed on achieving.
So, do you know the benefits of relaxing? We all should. It’s just as important as working. If you don’t though, that’s ok. Allow me to inform you. There’s more than you think, which may leave you feeling surprised.
Ready?
The Key Benefits of Relaxing:
- Stress Reduction: Relaxing and engaging in pleasurable activities decreases stress hormones like cortisol. Helping to put your nervous system in a state of rest.
- Improved Mental & Physical Health: Overworking leads to stress, fatigue, anxiety, and depression. Relaxing helps to restore balance. Your mood and state of mind will improve. Lowering your blood pressure, reducing tension, boosting your immune system, and improving digestion. This can also lead to better sleep.
- Increased Productivity & Focus: Taking breaks boosts your energy. Resting and doing enjoyable things replenishes your mental resources. Improving your cognitive function and concentration.
- Enhanced Problem Solving & Creativity: When your mind is calm and still, it’s more receptive to new ideas and innovative thinking. Giving you fresh perspectives.
- Improved Relationships: Taking time out to relax means you’ll be less stressed, calmer, and happier. Enabling you to communicate, empathise, and connect better with your meaningful relationships.
- Increased Self-Awareness: Taking time off is an opportunity to self-reflect and be present. Giving you a better understanding of your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours.
There are many benefits of relaxing. Not only for overall well-being and life satisfaction, but it can actually help you to be more productive. As taking time out can restore your mind and body. Leading to increased focus, concentration, and problem-solving abilities.
It’s a win-win situation. Why delay it any further?
“Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax.”
― Mark Black
Shift Your Perspective About Relaxation
Feeling guilty when you relax is common in today’s fast paced world. Societal and cultural influences create pressure. Having an overactive mind makes it difficult to switch off. Fear can drive you for the wrong reasons. Impatience causes unrest. And unrealistic expectations means you’ll push yourself too hard.
All the above can contribute to an internal conflict within, making you feel guilty to relax. But the good news is there are solutions. Let’s recap.
Question external pressures and make the right choices for you. Embrace failure and relish in its life lessons. Don’t worry about others judgment, it’s not relevant. Surround yourself with supportive people who uplift you. Be patient, all great things take time. Enjoy the journey.
Set realistic SMART goals, be self-compassionate, and find balance between being and doing. Most important of all, understand that overworking comes at a cost. Remember that there are real benefits of relaxing. Ones that will in the long run make you more productive.
Shift your perspective. Relaxation is an essential part of self-care and personal growth. As Mark Black wisely said, “sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax.” So, let go of the guilt, embrace the value of relaxation.
Live a more balanced and fulfilling life.
What cause of guilt stood out to you the most? I’d love to know in the comments.
Take care of yourselves,
Chris from Mindful Way to Be
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